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| Me... kinda scary! |
| " Do
not meddle in the affairs of Druids, for they are subtle and quick to anger."  Lyrics: New World Man
ok... Do you know that
song by Rush called "New World Man?"
That song pretty much describes me.
Most of the time I feel trapped in this time period. Throughout my life I have had flashes
or feelings of other places I have been or lived. Do I beleive in reincarnation? yes.
My beliefs:
I beleive in magic, the Earth, the Goddess who guides me, and Jenn and Rodney. Everything
else is doubtful.
I like a good stimulating conversation, a quiet walk in the woods, the
time right before sunrise or right after sunset, moonlight, light rain on a tent, heavy
thunderstorms with a good friend and a warm fireplace, and the feel of Spring.
I do not like religious zealots, people who judge others by a higher
standard then they themselves are willing to be judged. The cruel, the bitter, and
politicians.
Favs: If
it's Star Trek, I like it! Books, the more well read you are, the better. A good movie,
and no I'm not talking action flicks... think, Big Blue, Space Balls, Never Cry Wolf, Lord
of the Rings, Not Another Teen Movie, The Mysts of Avalon, First Knight, and Merlin.
Music:
Anything, but I love slow sappy songs. Think Our Lady Peace ( Clumsy), Lorenna McKinnett,
Little River Band ( Cool Change), Crystal Method and other interesting techno... not the
techno garbage that sometimes masquerades as dance music at the local Rave... Think BT,
Bjork, Delerium, Juno Reactor,Morcheeba, Cibo Mato.
TV: Ok,
get this... Don't call on a Buffy night! Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer,
Enterprise, Smallville, and Farscape. That's about it.
Sports:
There is only one... Soccer! If I'm not playing or coaching I don't care... don't ask me
about any other cause I don't know. |
Perhaps it
would be better for me to let you see Pisces-ness in action, but hold on
because it is a wild ride!
Ok, right now as I am thinking of you Mellon Collie and the Infinte Sadness is playing on
the cd. It must be these fall mornings or perhaps it's the sunrise or the fog or the
spirits or goddess! whos knows, it just is. I think back to what we had and to the future
where only insanity and prophets dare to go and the music gets louder. I cannot type as
fast as the images flood into my head so please excuse the errors and concentrate on the
message but if the two blend together, will you get lost in the words and forget about the
feelings or will the feelings change, I don't know!! Do you remember when you held me the
other night? Wrapped you arms around my drunken form and held me so tight I felt
like I was going to die? The slight rocking back and forth and the feel of your body heat
flooding into me trying so hard to eliminate the frost that has claimed my soul for so
long? Do you remember this moment, just the moment infinite, yet so significant that it
burned into my soul, seared my psyche with the image that shall warm me until I draw my
last breath and beyond.
Do you remember? Images flashed in my head. Images of what we could be and what we are and
what we used to be, and then I was sad. With a sadeness so deep and penetrating that I
could not wipe its taste from my face or from my form. It was the sadness of you flooding
into me. I know what you are looking for and these idiots who only want a piece of meat
and nothing more are crazy. They are crazy and they are blind. If I could utter a word and
swipe them all from the Earth then the Earth should be a better place because people who
cannot see love and beauty and caring would be gone forever with just the word I spoke
inspired by your arms, and the rocking, and the sensation of being drunk and by you. They
are crazy because they cannot even begin to see what is standing behind me with his
arms wrapped so tightly around me that I feel as if I could stay here forever rocking back
and forth.Just the rocking in and of itself comforts me it is you moving me thus. As you
have moved me previously to feel and think things I never dared because I was afraid the
frost, that deep clinging bone numbing cold would get to them and turn it all to ice and
glare. Better to maintain a life in the moonlight than risk losing what I feel right now.
It is hard you know. Not to turn around and kiss you with every inch of my body. To look
into your eyes and draw every bit of sorrow out of you. That is my task that is what
Pisces do. We are the sorrow solvers of the universe and you have captured me. Do not ever
let me go or allow me to be free of you. This is a wonderful sorrowful prison you keep me
in I love you for it.
As we rock back and forth together images flood my mind and my soul. I want them to bleed
through me leak out of me and into you. Images and sounds. My life exists in the images of
old time TV and songs that no one listens too anymore. Friendship and love mean something
to me.Something deep immovable, serene. Like a rock in a storm, friendship should be
there. Not so for the rest of the world. Friendship is momentary, illusive dirty,
something to be used and thrown away. I sense this in you, I sense the question, Why? I
cannot tell you now drunk and rocking as we are, for I cannot think a negative thought
now. Not with these arms holding me, rocking me, don't ever let go.
You conjure in me feelings and emotions that leave my soul bared for anyone to take hold
of. Be my knight, rise valiantly to defend this fragile thing that you have exposed. Do
not let me sit exposed but always allow your arms to comfort and hold me. I am vulnerable
because of you.We are Timmy and Lassie, white and black, the colors of the leaves in
Spring, Gilligan and the Skipper, Bytor and the snowdog, the sun and plants. We are Gentle
Ben, Nocoma and Grizzily Adams, Will Robinson and the Robot. Flipper and Jimmy, we are all
of these and more The sun is blazing now trying to push thru the clouds and the most
incredible shades of pinks and orange are rising. What a symphony as Vincent plays thru
the speakers. How agonizingly sad this song is but poignant and appropriate as I rock back
and forth in my mind with your arms around me. Just 3 of those pills could allow me to go
back to that moment. But I see the look on your face, sense in your tone the disapproval
in your voice. That voice that crushes me with a word or lifts me up with one too. As Mr.
Stewart said, "You're in my heart and in my soul, you'll be my breath when I grow
old, you are my lover and my best friend." and now as you pull your arms away my soul
rips away with them. Let me die now so I can always walk with you. This pain of separation
is unbearable, unwonted, and unforgiving. Goddess!!! Don't let go of me, I love you so
much with a fire, raging, burning, me
Now the bell rings and I have to come back to reality. You slip from me into the present
where Umatilla, Florida exists and my emotions have to be kept inside. Where you are not
you and never can be. Goddess don't let go of me my Pisces cries out. Don't. I can be
anything you want me to be. All you have to do is ask. Let the waters recede, rise up out
of me. Let this rant, this fever subside.But never the feeling, never the emotion, never.
Our
Sanctum Sactorum... 
This is our dwellpoint in
Ocala, Florida... a gift from the Goddess!
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