The Sea Inside My Mind

It seems as if ages have passed since I first discovered the safety of entrusting my thoughts and feelings to scraps of paper, securely crammed into dresser drawers rather than opeing my mind and heart to other people. Paper inflicts only minor wounds with razor edges while people wreak more lasting injuries with honed precision, drivne by individual desires and needs.
These poems sprang up from the bits of paper I have tucked away over the years. They are the chronicle of the memories and lessons which I have encountered and valued. These poems expose a tiny corner of my heart beneath the mask. A place where I store the acutely intimate thoughts- sometimes happy- often times sad- that until now have been hidden in my smile. I offer these for you to share in the peace and sincerity of the Goddess.

Poems on this Page: What Lies Beyond the Wall,  Rapport without Justification, Absolut Vodka and Me, Aortic Interuption, I Am, It Takes Thought, Jenn, Letters Not Sent, Occasionally, Questions Without Words, Florida,  The Last Poem, Requiem on the Passing of My Friends, The Plunge, Hello..., There was a time, I Love You,   3 am In Blytheville, Enya, Time and a Smile, Heart Break, ICU, Pain Killer, My Heart Cries Out For You,   Poem, Requiem in Advance,  Draiocht 13, And So...,  Momentary Friend,   Night Talk, October, Paha Sapa, Rest Stop, Words to My Parents, Mourning, You, Hershey, and Dreams, Unfinished Rooms, Crazy?, Missing You, You, Sportsman's Paradise, The Fall, The Search, After Thought., The In Between Times.

What lies beyond the wall?
The moon
weeps for you
my friend,
trapped
within
your too blue
artificial salt
antiseptic home
your moods
a darker gray
than your flesh
you perform on cue.
for bland
sparse
lifeless meals...
and applause.
now
the moonbeams play
over your...cell
and i
a prisoner
in my own way
slip in with you.
one comes
young,
excited
for finding
such a rare thing
in her prison/home
a two tailed
dry one who understands.
we play
for eternity,
but i see your longing glance
toward the wall
toward the beach
we swim to that wall,
both skimming
the clean
white
smooth cement
the incessant heart beat
of your mother ocean only a faint fibrillation here.
now
others are here
i feel their voices within me
as her eye catches mine
a single voice
rising,
asking,
pleading... tell us...
what lies beyond the wall?
and her fin brushes my hand
as i crawl out
the autumn night
feels like Deaths grip
against my flesh
and in my soul.
their voices
still loud
in my mind
what lies beyond the wall?
i weep again trying to flood
their cell
with my heart
i hear it again...
what...
lies...
beyond...
i whisper...

freedom.

and walk away helpless.
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Rapport Without Justification
i want to write
of you
for i feel
however brief your stay
you will be important
to me later;
i shouldnt like wakening
one morning
to find
you had walked into my world,
etched a pattern on my mind
and moved on away
without so much as a line
in my personal memory
to remind me of you
for all the tomorrows
when your face becomes
shadowed and blank
and your voice
merely a whisper on the breeze.

i want to write
of you
in terms of special meaning
i alone shall remember;
but yet
the words slide from my grasp
as i touch the pen to the paper.
still,
everyone of importance
to me
deserves a page of dedication
in my ephemeral ramblings
(if only to serve
as my reminder
of those who said hello-
and meant it)
you earn a chapter, my love
and so
these words are for you.

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And so my days drag on now
in miserable silence.
two weeks
I have not heard from you
so I sit in eerie
melancholy,
Wondering
why you saw fit
to pull me from my walls.
So quiet, and calm
was I
an observer of life
and others lives
devoid of sorrow
or pain
and then you arrived
smiles

and calls
gifts
and promises...
all seem so tarnished now

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Momentary Friend.
I saw her
today
A mirage?
in the morning fog
and... darkness.
This time
blood slick
tattered fur
on the black ribbon
of four laned progress
no need to stop
nothing to save
but I did
This passing
of
a momentary friend
and old spirit
I feel your confusion
as the lights blaze
fire white
at 60, or 70 or who cares
I have feared
this moment
since you first
beckoned me
Into your world
in the rain
in the progress
of our existence
at the cost of your
demise.
A pause,
white light flares
and speeds away
I touch your fur
Blood wet
still warm
lost in your primal soul
I look up
white transfixes
my body
screaming horn
angry words
is this
what your final
moment of beauty
was.
My momentary friend
Coyote.

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Night Talk
I suppose
if I could
I would replay
our conversations again
perhaps
to prove
something to me
but
most definitely
to prove
to you
that I care
enough to try
to please
or at least
meet your
standards

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October

It's October already
though the calendar has not realized it yet
I sense it on the cool breeze
that blows through the windows
hints...
of what, I am unsure

memories
they blow in like multicolored confetti
dropped after a grand party
but it is only the leaves
endings...

the trees, weary after a long summer
of holding their heads high
leaves fall
skeletons exposed
slumber

memories
of the three of us
happier times
and your laughter
ferret jokes
warm bagels, only blueberry will do
quiet moments
sad movies, but always each others smile to turn to for comfort
an unspoken, "I'm ok are you?"
a warm place to find solace
our souls, together
our little fragile world

it all comes, blowing in the window, on the chill breeze
in the gloaming
ghosts
parade through the house
rollerblading and the bruises
computer lessons till 2 am
laughter
shopping, shiny things, candles and the two of you
the absolute strength
we felt
in each others eyes
long talks
about our days
and dreams
and fantasies
and hopes
and fears
now all pursued by the terror
that we have succumbed to

Yes,
It is October already
Death rides this month
touching here and there
(I can sense it on the chill breeze)
best to get the house in order
sweep up the leaves
and the memories
with such a distinguished guest about
the cool breeze of
October.

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Absolut Vodka and Me

tomorrow
I don't know if
I'll be able to read
what I've written

or if it will make any sense

I only know
these words
mean I love you.

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Aortic Interruption

The blonde little girl
came to me
tonight

(with cool blue eyes of wonder)

wiped the sweat
from my fevered brow
and whispered
ancient words
of love and power
into my dying
pain wracked delerium
she smiled
( that mischievious smile that still escapes from time to time and speaks of mysteries only little girls and dogs know of)

she spoke
only two words
"Anam Cara"
and I felt her love
spread through me
and I slept

when I awoke
she was gone
with gentle laughter
down the antiseptic halls

and wagon tracks
in the carpet

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i am

i am alone
and i search the days from top to bottom
looking for the how
to fill a void
i cannot name;

still
i am not unhappy
for i am alone by choice.

i am alone,
yet i have two friends
and if you ask my friends,
they'd tell you
i have hundreds more
but i am alone
-at night
when it counts

perhaps alone is easier
and safer
than allowing the hurt
to wash through again

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It Takes Thought


I try not to think of you-
not to recall your face
so clearly;
not to long for your touch;
but then
I sit down to write a poem
and lonliness washes over me.

Thats the trouble with poetry-
it takes thought.
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Jenn
I thought
of you again tonight
with the full moon
reflecting off the pond.
as the world sleeps
my world is awake
a world of cold
half light
not sun
not darkness
not good
nor evil
but somewhere between
It is cold
and stunning
my land of shadows
I see you
asleep
next to me
I smell your youth
and feel the gentle
rise and fall of your chest
I lean close and
breathe in
your dreams
feel your warmth
against my arm
do you dream of me?
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Letters Not Sent

I got your message today,
cryptic, unexplained, unwanted

dont write, you said flatly
you may as well ask me to cut off my hands.
love does this to me,
makes me write.
so for now,
I will write...
write of the day I can hold you close
write of how it will be to whisper, I love you
and kiss your face lightly as you sleep,
write of the long walks in the woods
in the moonlight
of the soft laughter at things only we find amusing
I will write,
of the tears, and joy, and anger, and excitement
we will one day share
and
I will write of the pain
the hurt
those two simple words caused me
spoken flatly by you,
over thin wires
over many miles
over others rules, and not ours
they still hurt... because I love you

So ask me to end
my life.
But do not ask me
not to write
because love does this to me.

A drawer full...
of letters unsent.

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Occasionally

I dreamt of you again
last night
I've been doing that
lately
walking with you
my love
I hear a bird
that reminds me of you
or
smell your cologne in the wind
a faint odor you send to me
to let me know you are there...
and thinking of me too

last night was hard
though
I saw you
not in my dreams, but you were there...
your laugh
that glow in your eyes
that...
spirit
Oh god, how I miss that...
miss you
on nights like that
I do not want to wake
prefer
instead to draw my last breath
in my dreams, with you
you made me happy
as I pray, I made you
dreams
occasionally
are all I have left
I have changed
so
since you left... you would not approve
please forgive me
for the walls
you still get through
and I welcome you
even though
I cannot hold you.

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Questions Without Words

Are you comfortable;
can you breathe;
do you want two pillows-
or one?
Is my arm crushing yours;
is you leg wedged too tightly
under mine?
are my caresses too imperfect;
my skin too rough?

Oh stranger;
lying here by my side tonight
are you warm?
are we safe?
Do you understand me at all?

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Requiem on the passing of my friends
I want to write of you
while your smiles and faces are
fresh
it seems to me they fade with time
like the beautiful colors of a leaf
fallen from the tree in autumn

the walls
of my home
echo with the ghosts of
your laughter
even as your bodies fill another's life with joy
elsewhere
I cannot be

your presence,
even a moment
exhilarates me
sending my love
for you soaring,
and frees my thinking
to wander the corridors of the stars and universe
however
the parting
again
as I say goodbye and wave you off
into the rising sun
always brings me teetering
back
to the edge of loneliness
that abyss, where I have lived so long
only the ghosts, of long dead television shows, and
the earth
as my silent companions
But
I am a realist
pragmatic in my naivete

see, we are parting company
it is not
that any of us walk away
just the gulf widens as we stand hapless by
until we fade from each other
I prefer to remember you
laughing
bickering
thinking
as I pack my little sticks of wisdom
and my wax
and smoke away
I wish my thoughts to you
over this technological wiz bang
my friendships
forged long ago
by afternoon TV
lassie, Flipper, Gentle Ben
the robot
Did not allow room for the 90's
So
to you my very special friends
I raise this glass
of the best hundred proof
I could find
and take the doctors prescribed cure

you can call me naive
at least the Earth knows my half human heart

so with a wave of my hand
I fade gently from
your view
but think of me with love
when the wind blows in the trees.
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Rest Stop?

the scent of diesel fuel
mixes with the cold
after summer drizzle
stinging my senses
sickeningly sweet
and cloying... mechanistic
it speaks of technology
and destructions
i hide my face from

it reminds me
of leaving you
that memory, still a painful wound
that will never heal.
i wonder
what the future is
for us.
does the cold rain
hint of foreboding? or is it just a toy
for the children dancing in the parking lot?

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words to my parents

having neither the patience
nor the memory
to recall the endless
sacrifices
you made
in building my life,
i lack words of gratitude.

returning only small joys
for the beautiful treasures
you have given,
i am left to whisper
i love you
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Mourning

Numb
i feel nothing
i hear the music and i still feel nothing
our late night conversations
that steal
my sleep and rob me of times spent with you
in dreams
and memories
i love you
i must
because the rage
rises up in me
and rails against the cage
you stand there
looking at death
and open the cage
i see blood
and your smile
innocent
and i fall
weeping at your feet
i am so far from you
and sad
something has been taken from me
something i treasured
and you tell me to stay away

i cannot close my eyes and
oh God
it is worse now i see you
embraced... embracing?
even with my eyes open
the old feelings return
anger
distrust
but i love you
i must
to endure this pain
it is dull
and your voice
so late sooth the wounds that
you spoke earlier
and still
i do not sleep
1 am
awake
sweating
3:15 am
restless
i see you and ....
nothing
phantoms
4:24 am
nightmares haunt me
5:30 am
i quit trying and go to watch the moon
on the river
the frozen air
rolls off my form
i am already numb
nothing more for it to freeze
except my heart.
God freeze the pain!
but the cold December morning mist
whispers
no.

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Florida
is a
part of me
Her
lanquid murky
pools
or cool blue
like eyes
Dark
mysterious
like
a green
staring
at a lover
Her body
so well
crafted for life
Steaming

damp
inviting
Her
death
is end less

as she travels
in emotion
and interests
from
the wilds
to the
wild
side
yes
Florida my
love
You fill my veins
I see
you spirit
in the steaming
morning
mist
near that
cemetery
and at
night
you
caress me with
the warm
breeze
as the ocean
gently strokes your sides


and the moon
bathes you
so
eriotically
yes Florida
you care for us all
and I can never
escape
Never
want to

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The Last Poem

I thought you were different
I was wrong
and though you claimed my friend
was out to get you
to poison my view of you
guess what?
You proved him right and...
I was wrong

I thought I could trust you.
I was wrong
my words, and emotions, and feelings were like paint to you
a thing that feels good and is fun to run your fingers through
but
like pretty designs and paint a thing that you tire quickly and
can wash down the drain without a thought.

I thought you were truthful.
I was wrong
All your words, and your tears, and thoughts, and dreams
just simple lies
to capture and hold my attention
I hope I amused you for awhile

But
I want to thank you
Sincerely
for restoring my faith in the treachery of
humans and organized religions
you fit that mold well.
screw the world 24/7
and beg forgiveness to insure an eternity of hypocrisy
What when you become tired of it?

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The Plunge

I plunged into love
headlong and willingly
as a child into the ocean;
now I feel the sand
slipping from beneath

my feet
as the tide ebbs
and draws the current of his love
away.

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Twenty- Eight Days

hello...
are you feeling better?
can I help;
hold your hand,
maybe,
or
just hold you close
for a while?

I?ll read you
poems
and bring you
roses
if you?re smile
will be brighter.

oh...
but you?re not alone
so
I?ll comfort you
silently
and
feel sad
alone
until you whisper
my name.

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There was a
time
not long ago
when my poems
touched you
inspired
in you
dreams.
there was a time
not long ago
when my words
heart felt
drew forth
a spring
of emotions
a smile
a laugh
a tear
now you stare
blankly
at blue
on white
or black
or blood red
and turn the page
ready
to scan another.
I do not
know when
I lost your interest
perhaps
it was
when putting on my armor
Silver
and shining
in the bright sun.
did it
blind you
to the love
and admiration
in my heart
was it
in the silver pale
moonlight
tossing around
to the future
did you forget
to tend our garden?
let me move you
oh queen of my world
inspire you, touch you
else let your knight
pen in hand
tilt at the windmills
elsewhere

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I love you
with all my heart,
with all my being;
what more can I do,
what more can I say,

I have no
eloquent pleas
to whisk you away;
the best
I can offer is
my love.

please,
come home
soon.

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3 a.m in Blytheville

It's 3 am here, the morning is cool
I was awakened
by what, I'm not sure
a ghost
memory of you
for a moment
just that brief moment
between
sleep and waking
I thought I heard the sound
of your gentle breathing
next to me, on my pillow
sadly, I was dreaming again

Now
I sit and stare out the window into the morning dark
somewhere
across that mist shrouded bayou
my dreams stir
tiny tendrils of fog
the only clue to their passing
at my back
the dogs sleep sound
not disturbed by my rambling
they have grown used to these morning fits
they dream, and run, and play
in their minds
their breathing gives them away
Perhaps a steak
or that tattered old sock...
the one you used to hide in the sofa
as their eyes glimmered
wanting to steal away your prize
their feet twitch in anticipation
do they know it is only a dream?
A horn sounds in the distance
a ghostly spectre
passing by
bringing me back from my wandering
at 3 am
in Blytheville
how strange the bayou.

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Enya, Time and a Smile

It's strange
talking to you
right here, right now
you wear that mask well
18 years of practice
makes you an expert
I guess
yet
at dim moments
I sense you
the caring beautiful you
every now and then
you move the mask just a little
and i perceive that beautiful smile
that moves my soul
we share
Enya, time, and a smile
before the mask slips back.

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Heart Break

the bottle claims
take "2" for pain
but they do not work
it still hurts
the memories
drift in and out
good, bad
which hurts more
I can't tell
sleep evades me
knowing
"us 3"
were a family
and now
we are not
so take 2 for pain
and call you in the morning
but that doesn't work
either
while we bargain
for "talk time"
your "friend phone" rings
and that call takes the stage
I limp off
till the next act
calls me out
but I'll wear my mask
you wear yours too
painted smiles do not fade
like feelings do
take 2?
how about 20?
I hurt you
so you hurt me back
it's fair?
isn't it?

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ICU

The television blares
with euphoric laughs
or inane gunfire,
the four
antiseptic walls
hold your gaze
and you wait...
people, doctors
come and go
all listen
to you
to your tiniest bodily function

but hear only their own answers
they
dont see
your eyes
while you wait...
slowly
the television drones on
and it is yesterday
with picnics
and parades
music and friends
friends... theyre all gone now
or maybe not
you cant remember
while you wait...
you watch the screen
but do not see
and still the people come,
dim recognition
fills your eyes
only momentarily
a yearning
to be home
and still...
you wait...

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Pain Killer

I have often wondered
how
intelligent people
"get addicted"
surely
some great evil
or deception mislead them.
I am intelligent
I am addicted
to
the two of you.
but I like where I am now
these tiny white gods
who make the pain in my leg
vanish
work wonders 6 or 7 strong
on the pain
in my heart...
in my head
with 5% by volume, they are even more forgiving
I am intelligent
I have read the label
I know the contraindications
I know the chemistry
but
I do not care
they end the pain
they dull the hurt
that comes with your harsh words
they dull the love
they quell my addiction
taken every 4 to 6 hours
some great evil?

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my heart cries out for you

My heart cries out for you
long, forlorn
like the ancient wolf- cry
carried on cruel winter winds
that wind
strips bare my soul,
and plays cold tricks
as it passes mercilessly by
in the frozen night
it whispers
I love you
in your voice close to my ear
and when i wake
i see only your empty space
and a memory induced ghost
of you
warm, safe
next to me
i stay awake listening to the phantoms
outside
and it is hard
for they know
what to say... what to show me

i see you
with the others and I am so far
from you
from your heart
from your thoughts
you laugh
and i wish i were there
you smile...
Oh God
i can barely look
for it is the smile i love,
the one that can melt
this ice in my soul,
in my life
and though i trust you
and know
we will be together... someday
the wind
makes it hard though
i cry
now
and the wind howls in rage
howls, and throws itself
harder against the glass
icy fingers
reaching for those tears
wanting to
freeze them like the rest of this world
lock the emotion
and feeling
in... limbo.
I cry out for you
weeping
because i cannot be there
knowing
these words
and our memories
are the only things i can give you...
now
the only things
this hated wind
cannot touch
my heart cries out for you
wanting
waiting
wailing
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Poem

Time weighing heavily
on my idle mind
I dream and wonder
if you were to love me
even for a time
would I have the strength
to go
when it was over.

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Requiem In Advance

the celebration is frivolous
and happy
but I can't feel the gaiety
for I shall miss you
when you are gone
even before
when our quiet evenings
or endless phone conversations
of nothing much happening
have disappeared forever

i love you
not as in love
but maybe so...
but I love you
as a fellow human
an individual
a friend
who sees
and feels
and is,
next month
my time will be filled
with other activities
and other voices
but I shall be aware
-of you
of the happy moments
you brought
and the lessons
you left behind
... and I shall miss you
tears of love
for my best friend.

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Draiocht 13
my only
trusted
true friend
you betray me
will a nonchalant
teen aged attitude
you are god
in my eyes
in my heart
and soul
Do you know
I would die for you
suffer for you
care for your
your
smile
glares in my eyes
blinds
me
your laugh drains blood
I
fall to my knees
my teenaged Adonis
in you
I am safe
and dead
the others beg

to be in my walls
so secure, they work
and pry
I am cruel
pour my boiling
cynicism

down
rain sarcasm
and darkness

on their screaming
hearts
but you
I fear you
loathe /love
your touch
you
smile
and my walls
explode
cutting
me
how I hate you
for the pain

you can cause
All these years of defense
Calculating
useless
against you
you wound
me
with words
maim with your inactions
kill me know...
I do not wish to endure
Your friendship or love
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Paha Sapa

I see
wolf in the hills...
Paha Sapa
calling me home,
on to the next
I hear
my ocean brothers...
so far from here
they beckon me... come play... in our world
it is not as cruel,
or as dangerous
as living in theirs

no fantasy princes,
to dress me up as...
now that the charms have worn off,
I am an old toy... the ?neat? things
that kept you amused
are stale now.
my brothers, the animals
and my ways
have become your weapons.
yes lover,
use what I love against me,
they cut deepest after all,
but, your love digs as deep.
I lie, bleeding in these hills.
I see the moon, but feel nothing
you have assured that.

I trusted you,
when my first feeling, was to run...
or remain the hero
in young ones eyes... something...
not.... quite human, but nature
...And you use that too!
have you no mercy?
yes, I love you
but I am a Native
of this land
always used,
for amusement,
or amazement
you hurt me
but I let you in
you fooled,
all of my spirits
so move on now
not even a kiss goodbye,
you are immortal now,
on this paper,
that is what you wanted, Little Dolphin
(i love you still)
my soul!
the dolphins cry for us this night
my brothers the wolves too
cry in the pale Dakota moonlight,
that light, like these icy winds
tear through my flesh...
as your words did earlier.

I sit,
looking over this land,
my grandfathers once called home.
now
we live... waiting to die
this land belongs to you, and your kind
as my heart belongs to you
I sit, bare chested
some drunken godling
looking over this land
surveying,
isolating,
contemplating,
myself
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Unfinished Rooms

unfinished rooms
and memories
haunt my soul
i see you
our last kiss
and your smile
as you slipped
silently away.
I
could not do anything
then,
or now
but i love you
with all my heart and more
my soul.
still the rooms sit
half beautiful
as you left them
half bare
as I left them
and i wait
for you to return.

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Crazy?

A tree
once told me...?listen to your heart?
it was an ancient oak,
easily 300
it spoke
plainly,
not half hidden Godly whispers

?love is true?
as i gently dozed beneath its boughs
with the wisdom of ages long passed..
it counselled me...
?be wise, patient, caring...true?
trees do not know how to lie.
?i love you, who has taken time... to listen?

So
as i weep
over this stump
with sawdust all around
and burly beer soaked workers
?improving the land?

counsel me...
am i crazy, weeping for a friend?

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Missing You

i watched your plane leave
saw you off
and cried on the way home
Such a strange word, home?
it is too quiet, without you
your laugh, your cleanings
everything in a proper place
your towel
still hangs on the door
and your glass
still sits on the dresser
i smell your perfume
on the covers
and see the empty hanger
where your jacket
rested next to mine
i am tired now
missing you
i know you had to return
to your life
and now the tears come
softly
for they know too
we are meant to be together
when?

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You

you ask who are you,
and I have no answer
that will be good enough, for what you seek
my insight,
is not yours
yet
i know what you are... to me
...a mirror,
to my past, and my future
i see me in you.
...the beginning
of the universe, and the end.
your eyes show the fire and imagination of all creation,
and the compassion of a god
yes, even gods become confused
lost
caught up by other forces.
you are the heartbeat
of the world
the voice of the voiceless
made strong
to carry on our fight
your heart beats true
even when you stumble
know
you stumble in the right direction
when you are lost
your animals still guard you
to me my friend...
you are the future
our future
and it will be ok.
You sleep
and i know your thoughts
your confusion
and you know mine
follow your heart
always
you are my best, true friend

you are you

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sportsmen's paradise ?

November-
the mass kill is on;
it came early this year
giving the softly brown
and gentle deer
one less week
to prod silently the rich fullness
of their mother,
Earth,
one less week
to avoid the ultimate degradation
of the final stinging
Blast.

sportsmen
they are called,
men, down from the cities
knowing neither the reason
nor the rules
only the grandstand play
of a senseless game;
men
trekking in
arms laden with six packs,
carrying their virility
in boxes of shells
virgin innocence trailing behind
half scared, half elated
by ?daddy?s? blood lust

hunters
(or murderers- the difference
becoming slighter
as man and the act of slaughter
become my sophisticated
and commonplace)
winding through the streets-
the frenetic parade
of victory?;

trophies slung over fenders
mouths gaping
eyes blazing
tears of blood falling on the cold chrome
bullets conquering
serenity
once again proving
man
the most inhuman
animal
of the sphere.

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The Fall

you
slipped away from me
3 years ago now
or was it longer
funny
how pain distorts time
my heart slipped away with you
and
as I contemplated
that leap
I knew how much
I loved you
what I would do
as I held
your
head in my lap
wipen
your
Tears
of Blood
from your
still beautiful
face
I cried my own
begged
for you to stay
with me
awhile longer
you closed your
tired eyes
A warm smile graced your sweet lips
you squeezed my hand
yours so soft
and my soul slipped away with
you
now,
I pray
your walk is a
better place
my love,
my soul, and
heart walk
with you
and I
am the
walking dead
but
at rare moments
A smile graces
my lips as
a hint of your
perfume
catches my
attention
yes my love
one person fell
but 2
died.

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the search

i have mapped my life
in the pattern of a search
(undertaken alone and only momentarily shared)
for reasons to believe that tomorrow?s love
may give back lasting happiness
and bright days;
i have found some reasons
some that showed promise
some that faded with the rising sun;
more often
i have learned that the reasons for loving
(even though we indulge in romantic rationale)
are few-
almost non- existent;
maybe
in the end
loving
just makes more sense
than hating.

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You, Hershey, and Dreams

I
want to make a list
of things
I shall miss about you
when you are gone
and all I have is the pillow
you rested upon
next to me
close
where the dogs
knew they were loved
and we spoke of our dreams
I guess
... not yours

memories
of you
dripping wet
and smelling
faintly of apples
wrapped in that tattered old towel
as you smile coyly
and come to hug me

your laugh
will echo
ghost like in these rooms
and in my empty heart
as you, Herschey, and our dreams

steal...
quietly
away
I have
a year and a day
to note these things
that make you beautiful
and loved
to me

such a short time
to work a miracle
To Remember you
raking furiously,
and your poise and grace
practicing dance in our home
A year and a day
before, you, Herschey
and our dreams
Steal quietly
away

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In Between Times

Four days now

The sky, a tinged red

smoke stained, miasma

A whisper

a prayer, under my breathe

and under the trees

Thunder in the distance

sweat from my brow

blood from my heart

quick

sharp acrid

blue/white fingers from the sky

in answer to my cries and the weeping of the trees.

A hot wind races across the land

and the trees bow

melting in the inferno.

I stand the ground

thunder and lightning

course in my veins as in the sky

a droplet now

the ground draws in

a breath and it is gone

Not enough, one here and there

I become the sky

expansive, all reaching

reigning in the winds

and it rains

hard, warm

big friendly droplets

inviting the child and dragonflies to play

on and on it pours

and the sky quiets, clears

The noise and crash of the din move away

to awaken other sleepy, parched places.

the reds, and oranges, and grays melt

and the air carries the rains

oh, the air is sweet

with the smells of the rain

and trees, and flowers

turn their faces to the sky

quietly the clouds steal away

leaving a gentle drizzle

as the scant sunbeams weave in

and out of rainbow droplets

a gopher tortoise peers out from her burrow

stretching neck skyward

and a drop, like a tear

washes from

her eye.

I enter the pool in the failing twilight

and float facing the sky

a strange calmness washes over me

and through

I hear her voice in the water,

that mother

of us all, Danu singing

singing us home

Now

as the steams rise from the cooling ground

the mist forms o'er the waters and I

float

in the mist

witness to the specters

that walk there,

move to the sweet singing

joined now by a crystal chorus of tree frogs

singing

accented with the deep voices of the toads

turning, turning, always turning

I wheel about,

buoyed by the waters, and mist and rains

and bats play/chase their meals

dipping gracefully to caress the surface of my mirror pool

And I love this place I am

wishing to stay/sleep here in these mists

this in between place

forever

I thank you for the mist

I thank you for the rains

I thank you for the Earth

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